


[ • painted sunset • ]

by auspiciousArticulacy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: //implied abuse trigger warning, F/M, LIKE SO OOC YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, VERY Out of Character, but i tried :'), mostly dirkroxy which isn't platonic so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7306576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auspiciousArticulacy/pseuds/auspiciousArticulacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>❝Thanks for being a friend.❞<br/>You find yourself wishing it isn't just 'friend'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	[ • painted sunset • ]

**Author's Note:**

> it tends to rain the hardest on those who deserve the sun.

Your name is DIRK STRIDER, and it's THREE IN THE MORNING.

The phone call you've been waiting for arrives. It's a Friday night - or, rather, Saturday morning - and you've learned to expect those calls from her all the time. It'd become rather predictable, if you were going to say so yourself; and you despised the fact that you actually wanted these calls to happen, considering the fact of what these phone calls behold. A few rings and you finally picked it up, mumbling a, "Hello?"

"Dirk?" The sniffles and muffled sobbing weren't new to you, and you stiffly nodded even if she couldn't see - though no matter what you'd do or say, she would always talk first. "He- I... he said he hated me, that I was always drunk - but I've stopped! I stopped drinking months ago! I couldn't have..."

Trailing off. More crying. You knew she's broken and you couldn't do anything about it but be a shoulder to cry on, because that's all you are. Just her shoulder to cry on and no one else but that. The bitter thought causes you to crease your eyebrows as you drown out her rambles with "It's okay."s and "You'll be fine."s even if you don't mean it. You weren't sure if lying was the right thing to do.

But if she needed someone to lean on, to talk to until morning - you were there. You were there for her and you were her best friend. It was a hard thing to do to lie to Roxy, of all people; you were blunt about lots of things to her and everyone else, like the fact that you didn't want a label on your more male-oriented sexuality, about the fact that a relationship with her wasn't going to happen, but a sour taste explodes in your mouth once you try to confront her about the fact that John isn't a good boyfriend. The question was, if you were given the chance to, were you any better?

You weren't listening to her, just giving her the time and patience to talk about all the problems you're sure were discussed just last week. "Roxy," you say firmly, probably surprising her on the other side of the line at your suddenly more focused voice, unlike earlier. "You probably still love him, don't you? But... Rox... I'm not sure-"

"He does," she choked out, and you could almost hear the almost-inaudible plunk that hit her phone as more tears slid down her cheeks. Your chest felt like it was tight, like your heart was finding away to get through the gears of the walls you've made after the game and after your last 'good' relationship. "He does love me. John told me that. He knows he loves me and I know he does and I know I do, but what I don't know is what to do with our on-and-off relationship!"

The attempt to steer the topic to your new thought of you possibly being her boyfriend died down. What were you thinking, anyways? Pondering the fact that you'd become a good significant other? It was odd, and it was a terrible idea. You should just stick to being the one Roxy would vent out to. "Ro, I think you're going to be fine, then. You love each other and it's going to work out. Of course it would - he's a very loving boyfriend."

_The words spill like **acid** off your tongue._

"Thanks... thanks, Dirk." A tart laugh followed, one that you knew was forced to lighten the mood even if you knew it wasn't fine. "God- I've been calling you up at the same time for weeks, I don't know what the hell I'd do without you as my best friend, damn... thanks again, Distri, I'll be seein' ya." At that, the line went dead and you were left alone once more.

Roxy was right, for one thing. She had been calling about the same thing for the same time for weeks already, and you knew that it was like going around and around that you aren't sure if stopping was even a possible thing to do. It was a loop you couldn't go out of - a circle that you're too afraid to deviate from because it could have consequences you're less than eager to greet.

You hated the fact that you had to lie to her, that all will be alright - because while Roxy was hurt about the fact that John was being terrible to her; you couldn't just tell her that without severing your relationship with her - she loved him too much for you to just tell her to 'let go' of their ties.

Relationship... relationship. You know that your relationship with her was nowhere near romantic, yet Roxy's romantically-inclined relationship with someone else was clearly bringing about her downfall after their successful session. She was a broken mess, incomparable with the optimistic, head-on Roxy that you knew before and during the game. Could you rectify that? Fix whatever shattered parts were left by John's tempest that had her broken? It was a question you weren't sure you could answer yet.

Or maybe you could and you're in denial about it.

She never saw. You had that concluded. You could be much better, much better than how John treated her, much better and she just couldn't see that. Maybe it was all in saving her from the sorrow of having to suffer a relationship where she was getting so battered in trying to make it stay alive - but you know you were going to do it for her. For once, maybe you could lie to yourself, just to make her okay.

Roxy would be okay. That is - if all your coulds would actually happen. Because while you could, it doesn't mean that you would, or you should do it; and the doubt settled in once again. More or less, you should was probably proper for that - because if you don't, you would just see her suffer as she came to you every week as she talks about how she was trying her best.

She was. She was trying her best but her efforts would never be enough. You know that and you're probably not in the best place to tell her that she was going to be destroyed in that relationship, because who would trust a Prince, someone who destroys? You know Roxy would, perhaps even the others you've known for so long, but the first person you think that would trust you was Roxy. And you don't want to destroy that, too.

You set down your shades onto the bedside table as you shift around, trying to get yourself comfortable. Your eyes scan over the glow-in-the-dark galaxy that you saw set-up already ever since the new universe was created; and you had a feeling it was Roxy who put it all up there - much to your chagrin at first. But you got used to it.

Now you could say it was comparable. The dulling glow of the stars - you had limited time to save her from herself as she tries to force it, and the darkness around her would literally be her - void. And it terrified you to think that all these could be possible if no one took action on what was happening to her.

Maybe your relationship, as real... boyfriend and girlfriend - it wouldn't be bad. The only difference is that you get to call her some pet names and Roxy could call you those in return. Or maybe you could hold her hand without people teasing you two because it was already reality. Or really just hugging her and burying your face into her hair and liking the fact that she was with you and you were with her. There were a lot more things that came with the package - but you aren't sure if you're supposedly going to be making the right choice.

Lie to Roxy and probably get her feelings hurt - or save her from getting hurt even more? It was the actual question amidst all those thoughts that jumbled about your mind right now; you weren't sure if romantic attraction was something you could convey to her, though if you were willing enough to appearify your head to somewhere else...

You were going to help her. Yes. That was final. Surely Roxy'd see, even if you were going to make your moves subtle, that you were going to be a much better alternative to John; that no matter how much she'd love him, you were going to make sure that you could give her a much better love life than the first one she'd had.

With that thought, you hug your pillow comfortably and actually fall asleep.

  
»»------≈☆≈------««

The next day, you swore it was a surprise when you met blonde hair, pink eyes, and a Venti Caramel Frappuccino; you know that this was Roxy's comfort drink, and now it wasn't much of a surprise that there were bags under her eyes that certainly weren't there before. You wanted to believe they were because she stayed up late playing video games or her hacking business, but you knew much better than that.

"Hey there, Roxy," you said, and she shot at you a smile so bright it could blind you through your shades; yet you could really see the tiredness in her eyes, the weariness that came with the stress of her relationship - and maybe the surprise that you were the one who initiated the conversation. "Guess I'm gonna greet you a 'good morning' - did you sleep okay?"

"Snork, snoar, s'mores. Don't make me list the amount of snork- snore sounds I've made last night," she replied with a grin as she drank her frappuccino, bouncing down onto the couch you took as a seat. "How's 'bout you? Did you get to sleep well? I hope the glowy galaxy didn't hinder your beauty rest. It would be a shame if it did, yaknow?"

"It didn't. Glow went dull after a few moments." You didn't have the heart to tell her about what you've been thinking. Neither of you spoke, mostly because Roxy was still drinking her frappe while you were just sipping an Apple Berry juice freeze. And since neither of you were talking- you knew no one wanted to bring up the conversation that you had just last night - or, rather, 'this morning', though it isn't really morning or tomorrow until you sleep in your opinion.

"Probably would've been pretty damn amusing to watch you try and take down the stars and it doesn't work," Roxy said after a minute, snatching your drink (and causing you to jerk away in slight shock) and sipping from it; only a few seconds later did you hold back your laughter at her 'bluh'. "Ew. Not good when you just drank some damn coffee. Goddammit."

"I can confirm it is pretty damn amusing to watch you try and drink my slush and immediately go 'bluh' after," you responded, sarcasm dripping from your tone from the remark she'd made earlier. You held back a smile as she laughed - it was a true laugh, one filled with actual humor that you've really wanted to hear since she'd gone up and killed the Condesce.

"Correrection, Dirky, it was not immediately after! There was a small window time and I refuse to be outwitted in this conversation."

Maybe it would be harsh to bring it up when she looked just so happy, when she looked like she really was actually okay and that she was fine and you loved that - though you had to confront her about this. The softness in your tone as you breathed and said, "Would you have yourself outwitted by your boyfriend?"

"Dirk..." Roxy trailed off and you knew you've struck a nerve and you didn't want to hurt her - you were treading on fragile glass and she was fragile herself; you didn't want to shatter her, that would be the last thing on your list, or simply not on your list of things to do at all. "I... I just don't know. It's like, he's kind of an ass, yeah, but... I love him. You know that feeling, right? That you're pretty much wrecked fourtwenty times and you already know it - and yet you still keep on going, all because of your stupid love for that person?"

You fall silent as she leans her head against your shoulder, and you could hear her sigh softly. "Really, it's fucked-up as hell that I love John- but he... he understands me, in a way, like we were all these badass dorks who had suddenly popped in and loved each other like a cliché, you know?"

You just listened to her rant, and rant, and rant; you were pretty damn sure she was using so much metaphors she probably forgot about the original topic (metaphorgotten?), though maybe it was for the best that you wouldn't bring it up again - maybe you should just keep quiet about it.

And yet you hated it, hated the fact that she was leaning on your shoulder talking about some sort of 'meringue so sweet it's comparable to me and John's relationship'. You were tempted to remark that meringue was just comprised of egg whites - because god damn it, can't she just- can't she just realize? Perhaps it was just your bitter mistake that you turned her down before.

No, you had to remind yourself that it's strictly to get her out of the romance she has with John. It wasn't to actually have her as your girlfriend - it's a task you have to do to save Roxy from herself and her terror of being alone. Sure, she had Jane, she had Jake, she had you; but you understood that she wanted another type of company and your mission was to give her that company.

And so, even if you hate it, you simply said, "Then he's the best for you." And you didn't want to say that. You probably would have said, 'I think I would treat you better in general and I'd probably make you feel better about yourself than he could and wouldn't even think twice if I need to hug you if that's what you want.' But you continued, adding, "You really love him, and I really say that you go for it."

Roxy hugged you, and a weird, warm feeling spreaded across your chest because she hugged you and she even pecked you on the cheek - of course, she had a boyfriend, so this was all platonic; yet you found yourself wishing it wasn't, because you felt that in that one action your walls crumbled, the gears stopping as the heart beating inside was exposed to something that you weren't sure you've felt in entirety.

"Thanks for bein' so supportive!" she said, grinning as she nuzzled your cheek and you felt it go warm from her actions. It wasn't that she hadn't done these before - it was just your reaction that was completely different. Were you...? "Damn, Dirk, you're really as cool as you'd say you are. I fuckin' concede, man, no way I can be such a great friend to you... hah... I'll be seeing ya later after a date with Windysock!"

"Sure," you mumbled out quietly, causing her to look at you strangely but nevertheless released you from the hug, pinching your cheek one time ("You're adorable when you blush!") and stood up to catch her date; and leaving you with a sense that you could call... disappointment. That was the first word that popped into your mind - just sheer _disappointment_.

Why were you disappointed?

"Wait! Rox!"

The blonde turned around, looking at you with slight curiosity. "Yeah?" she asked, "What's up? Need anythin' before I go?"

You breathed - you tried to level your breathing, tried to keep it all down, tried to make everything okay as your heart was already screaming on what you've always wanted to say, even if you were convincing yourself that you weren't, that this all wasn't for her. "Just… forget about John for a minute, okay? I just wanted to say that I love you. A whole lot. Not that kind of thing where you're all platonic or shit, the kind where…" You trailed off, biting your lip to force yourself to continue as she looked at you with her expression now unreadable. "The kind where you know that person's going to be the one who's going to hold you through the daylight, the kind where I'm going to make sure that you're going to be treated better, because I will treat you better. In that kind of way, Rox - in a romantic kind of way."

Roxy stared at you for a few minutes, pink eyes cycling through shock, sadness, and a multitude of emotions before she ran towards you, burying her face into your chest, and you tentatively hugged her back, arms wrapping around her as she looked up at you afterwards.

"Y-you promise you're gonna stay, 'lright? You wouldn't... turn out like him."

There you saw how vulnerable she was, how the tears in her eyes were welling up and were dangerously close to falling, how she was pleading for you to take care of her - and the thought that this was all a simple 'task' for you to do melted away as you whispered back. "Of course, Rox. I love you."

There was a pause. A lingering silence, and you feared she wouldn't like you in that way, feared she was going to tell you a 'no', tell you a bitter truth you weren't sure you could accept now that you've already concluded that you loved her, that you've fallen for her already. But she doesn't answer you.

Instead, her lips collide carefully against yours.

**Author's Note:**

> but you're going to be the umbrella that shields her from the storm.


End file.
